


Thalassophobia

by ChestnutPatronus14



Category: Free!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Paranoia, Phobias, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-01
Updated: 2018-03-23
Packaged: 2019-03-12 08:51:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13543890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChestnutPatronus14/pseuds/ChestnutPatronus14
Summary: After a serious car accident nearly cost him his life, Makoto can barely stand to be around water, the sight of it causing him such anxiety that it impacts his daily life. The others don't know what to do or how to help Makoto with everything he has been through.Haru has made it his mission to help him, no matter what the cost.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome everyone! Honestly Free! is a fantastic anime and I would recommend it to everyone. Here is the first chapter of my new fanfic featuring Haruka/Makoto.

Water.It has a mind of its own.It can give life, and it can take it away.

It was the sharp sudden thud that had caught Haru’s attention as he stood by the stove, making breakfast for himself and for Makoto. His hand flew out turning off the stove top (there had been one to many near fires lately for him to forget this time), and left the kitchen.Where had the sound come from?It had sounded like it had come from the bathroom.There was water running, he could hear that sound. 

“Makoto?” he said knocking softly on the door before he slid it open. Water was on the floor, the sink running and the water just starting to spill over the edge of the tub.No Makoto.Haru looked around before he finally spotted him.

Makoto was on the floor, eyes wide with terror as he looked towards where the bath was.

What mattered first was turning off the water.Haru moved towards the sink, turning off the water.Then he went to the tub, frowning slightly.Makoto never used it.The most water that he was able to handle was the shower. His eyes flicked to the shower attachment that had been installed.It looked dry to him.He turned off the tub faucet and then reached down and unplugged the tub the water beginning to drain.

“Makoto…” He reached up, snagging a towel as he went and knelt down in front of his friend, blocking his view of the tub.He put the towel around his shoulders, reaching out to take one of his hands.There were different things that he had learned helped him when he got this frightened; physical touch, and speaking were among them.It helped him to focus on something else.“Nagisa, Rin, and Rei would like to stop over at some point to see you.They invited us to meet at the old swim club, your students were missing you and they thought it might be nice for you to see the kids in the lobby.”And away from the pool so Makoto would not even need to see it.Of all things that Makoto had loved to do, teaching the students had been one of the biggest.It was why he had gone to college to become a teacher.While he spoke, he slowly began to rub Makoto’s hand between his, taking the time to warm his fingers, and gently squeeze his hand and each finger with his hand. 

“I…I thought I had unplugged the tub,” Makoto began after a moment.“I thought I had and I had been shaving and then I felt the water on my foot and…”One of the habits that Haru had noted was that if he was near water for showering, it had to be hot.Makoto had to let it run for a bit so that it would be hot before he would shower.

Haru gave his hand a gentle squeeze, reaching up to brush some of his brown hair from in front of his green eyes.“Go get changed, I’ll clean up in here and finish breakfast.”

There was a dull look in the once bright eyes as Makoto nodded and stood going to leave the room.Ever since the accident, he had been different in a variety of ways.The fear of water was by far the biggest, and the worst.Haru set about cleaning up the bathroom before he returned to the kitchen to finish cooking their breakfast.In his mind he was going over the scheduled for the day.They had class till lunch time, then he had swim practice, and Makoto had physical therapy. Then, he hoped, to get the guys together so that they could have a chance to see Makoto.Maybe seeing all their friends would help him.

Or his plan was going to completely backfire on him and it was just going to cause Makoto to spiral downward.Haru moved from the bathroom back down the hall turning the stove back on.It was what Makoto liked for breakfast, grilled fish and miso broth. He had not been eating quite as much so he tried to make sure the foods were at least ones he knew he liked. He had even gone so far as to get fish other than mackerel.

“Hungry Makoto?” he asked setting the soup in a small bowl, and the fish on a plate, offering both to his friend.Weary green eyes looked over towards him, and Makoto shook his his head.“At least drink the broth, it’s not healthy for you to miss meals like this.”

There was a long pause before Makoto reached out and took the bowl, putting it to his lips as he drank the soup down.It was better than nothing at the very least, and Makoto was dressed and ready for their morning classes.His hair was still messy, shirt wasn’t as neat and taken with as much care as he once had.

It took him about five more minutes to get himself ready and eat the fish that he had cooked for breakfast, and grab the box lunches from the fridge for them both before they were ready to go.Haru felt his phone buzz as they started down the steps towards the main road.The college wasn’t that far away, just a short ride on the train.

His phone buzzed in his pocket, and Haru tugged it out glance towards the screen. Nagisa, Rei, Rin.It was like he couldn’t fall asleep without the three of them suddenly losing their minds about whether or not Makoto was alright.Of course he wasn’t.Makoto had gone through hell and back and there was little that would change what he had gone through.Time was supposed to heal all wounds, and it had already been almost a full year.Makoto’s fear of the ocean had grown worse, and the accident had taken away one of the things that Makoto loved most.

Swimming.


	2. Chapter 2

_“Where is he?”_

_“Sir we can only let-“_

_“Tell me where he is!”_

 

Haru opened his eyes feeling the sun warm his face as he walked down the side walk towards their old swim club.Had it really been six months since the accident?It felt like it had been yesterday.The text from Gou was still on his phone, that there had been a crash, that Makoto and his siblings were at the hospital.Everything that played out after that was like a blur, not only were they not letting him in to see Makoto, they would not let him in to see Rin either. It had been a week of hell of just waiting in the waiting room for one of his parents so he could go in with them and see Makoto, or for Gou to arrive so he could see Rin.

In one swoop he had nearly lost all that had made his world bright and full of life.It was so strange for him to think of them like that, of Makoto like that.Haru had been there when they had watched the funeral of the old man who had always been kind to him, and had been there when his fear of the ocean kept taking hold.This?This was something entirely different.

This was a fear of water, a fear of deep water that was so severe Makoto could not be within eye line of the ocean.He was able to look at a pool from a far distance away now, but at first, just walking by the door to the pool was enough to cause him to begin to tremble, and need to be helped to regulate his breathing. 

“Haru!”He lowered his gaze towards the sound of the voice, and saw Nagisa waving at him.Both Nagisa and Rei were attending schools in the area, it made it easy for them to meet at the swim club.The boy’s face was bright, excited to see him and really it was a breath of fresh air.He would never admit that to Nagisa, in fact if anyone ever told him that, Haru had half a mind to shove them into the nearest body of water.Except for Makoto, that was unthinkable.

“Nagisa, where are the others?” he asked looking around for Rei and for Rin. 

“Inside, where’s Makoto, you hiding him somewhere?” Nagisa asked looking around to see if he could spy Makoto somewhere.

Haru did not reply just walked inside to see the other two waiting there. At first their eyes seemed almost excited, expectant, but Haru shook his head.“Makoto called and said he was tired after physical therapy and went home.”

“So we’ll go see him!”

“Nagisa we can’t just invite ourselves over to see-“

“Well sure we can, Haru is right here and he lives with Makoto so why can’t we?”

“He might not be thrilled to see all of us.”Haru met Rin’s gaze and saw that same distant look in his eyes that he saw in Makoto’s.

“Give it an hour, let him rest, then come over.Bring food from that place he likes…”His description was not the best, and Haru knew that he should know what the name of the food place was, though he could not remember for the life of him.He turned then, making to leave, hearing them all continue to ask him questions but in reality, he couldn’t bare to be around them right then.All the questions they had, all the concerns and the unrelenting need to care was just too much for him to handle.

It took him a while to get home, and he checked on Makoto first, who was asleep in front of the small television they had. Haru smiled a bit, shaking his head as he went to the bathroom.One of the changes to his habits had been using the bathtub after he got home, that way there was no chance of the water pooling and startling Makoto in the mornings when he typically would shower. The shower attachment had been added not long after the accident, when Makoto was unable to enter the bathroom because of the tub.

Haru closed the door but did not lock it as he stripped out of his clothes, setting them in the laundry hamper.The door was never locked while he was in the bath tub, and had learned the hard way why not to.Makoto could not find him, and had heard the sound of water and panicked, he had nearly taken the door off to try and get into the bathroom just to see if he was okay.A twist of the knob, and the water began to fill the tub, Haru kept his hand under it, letting the hot water begin to relax him.

It was difficult for him, to see Makoto go through so much pain when it came to water, when for Haru, it was the one place he truly felt at home. With a sigh, he slipped into the tub, letting it fill up with him in it.Only when he was able to sink in up to his neck did he turn off the water.Even there in the tub, he was able to close his eyes, lean his head back and relax.The water always calmed him, always allowed him to drift away from the stress of the world and just breathe.

Haru wasn’t certain how much time had passed before the sound of someone walking into the bathroom caught his attention.He opened one eye, and saw Makoto standing there, staring at him with that wide panicked look in his eyes.“It’s okay Makoto,” Haru said, sitting up straighter in the tub, locking eyes with his friend.“Look at me.I am fine.The water will not hurt me.”He reached up and held out his hand to Makoto. 

When Makoto placed his hand in Haru’s, he could feel it shaking so that it broken Haru’s heart.He watched as Makoto slowly knelt by the tub, which was full. It was like a switch turned in his mind.Makoto was near a deep pool of water (or as deep of a pool of water as a tub could be).He was near the tub water which was still hot yes, but also he was there with him.

Haru lifted his other hand from the tub, reaching out to gently place his hand against Makoto’s cheek.“It’s okay Makoto.I am right here, and the water will not hurt me.It will not hurt you.I will not let it hurt you.”


	3. Chapter 3

It was a small step, but an easy enough one that Haru was able to work with it.Makoto was able to sit near the tub full of water if he was in there.Holding onto his hand, Makoto stayed for a good thirty minutes without starting to panic near the water.It was a small step, but it had filled Haru with such joy that he couldn’t even complain about sitting in the cold water by the time Makoto had managed to say that he had to leave the room.Perhaps there was a chance that with some hard work, Makoto may be able to at least be near the water again.

So it started, baby steps at the time and Haru wearing his swim suit into the bathtub far more often than he would have liked, and making use of the showers in the locker room more. If it meant that Makoto would be able to spend time around water without feeling so frightened he’d make that sacrifice for him.Anything, to be able to help Makoto with the paralyzing fear that would run through him each time he saw a body of water.

The problem was still swim practice.Haru never stopped swimming, continued to swim as a part of their college’s team, and something about that thought alone would always cause Makoto to worry and wait outside of the pool building pacing back and forth.So when Haru got out of the lockers, his hair still damp from the water, he froze in place when he saw Makoto standing inside the build.For the past several months, Makoto would be outside out of concern for him, did not matter the weather he did not step inside the building. 

 _Play it off, don’t make a big deal._ Haru smiled at Makoto and walked over to him, placing a hand on his shoulder as he walked out of the building with him.“What would you say about going to see Red and Nagisa over the weekend?” Haru asked as they began to make their way along the sidewalk back to their apartment.It would be different than what they would do the first month or so they had been away from home; they’d all get together and swim.Now?Haru wasn’t certain he could get Makoto near the pool, and was not about to force him to do so.

“I’d like that,” Makoto said, his voice soft, seeming completely tense to Haru. “Was…was practice-“

“It went fine. Starting to realize that the only style I swim is free.”They were just at the base of their building when they spotted two familiar figures standing that.

“Hey! Haru! Makoto!”Nagisa was waving to them, with Rei standing just behind him holding up two boxes of pizza. Really, Haru should have realized that something like that was going to happen, especially after he had cancelled on them the last time they had planned to meet up together.Nagisa was beaming at the two of them, ever the eternal ray of sunshine among the four of them.“We know you guys are busy and we wanted to come say hi, thought we might bring some pizza over too.You know like old times.”

Makoto, who had seemed just a bit startled at first, seemed to brighten up at the thought of spending time with his friends, and at the pizza.“Come on up then,” Haru saidas they made their way upstairs.He unlocked the door letting them all inside.It amused him how quickly Nagisa made himself at home in their place. 

Haru stood by the door just watching as his friends settled in, sitting around the table, the pizza boxes placed in the center.It was as if they had gone back in time, back to when everything was normal and they were all still on the same team.Back to a time when they were all still apart of a something that bound them together, and that thing did not fill one of them with such terror.They had started to talk about different things, laughing together, and Haru could see the tension drain from Makoto’s shoulders as he was able to relax with people who did truly care about him.

_“Haru stop!”Rin grabbed his shoulders as he tried to shove his way past the doctors, and spun him around so that he was looking into those red eyes of his.Rin was wet, his hair clinging to his face, a towel wrapped around his shoulders.“Haru look at me.He is fine.He was in-“_

_“No one is telling me anything!What happened to Makoto?”Haru yanked his shoulder away from Rin’s touch glaring at the other with such anger in his eyes.It was driven by his overwhelming concern and fear that gripped him.The only other time he had felt like this was during their training camp, when Makoto and Rei were lost at sea and he had rushed off to save him._

_“He and his siblings were in an accident…they were driven off the road Haru, into the ocean.Makoto got his siblings out, and then got trapped in the vehicle as it sank.I was near by training with the team and we saw it. The second I recognized Makoto’s siblings I dove in…”_

_Haru heard nothing else, he had felt the world shift beneath his feet and Rin had had to catch him to keep him from hitting the floor, helping him to a chair.His breathing was coming in short gasps, unable to suddenly catch his breath.There were people standing there, talking at him, asking him if he was alright._

“Haru? Hey Haru!” 

Haru looked towards the sound of the voice, Makoto was standing in front of him, concern in his emerald eyes, a hand on his shoulder.“Are you okay?You got quiet, and seemed pale.”

Haru smiled at Makoto and nodded his head.“I’m fine Makoto.I just need to shower, I’ll be back in a bit.”When Makoto did not move, Haru reached up and placed his hand over Makoto’s giving it a gentle squeeze.“I promise you I’m fine. I’ll be back shortly.”He made his way down the hall to the bathroom, closing the door and turning on the water to fill the tub. 

He then pulled out his phone, and called Rin.No answer.

“Rin…I don’t think I ever thanked you for saving his life…”


	4. Chapter 4

The water was cool against his bare skin, small waves as others moved about the pool splashing over his sides as he stared towards the ceiling of the large room.Some part of his mind knew that he should be practicing, allowing the water to clear his mind as he had done so often in the past, yet he couldn’t bring himself to turn over in the water and swim.Was this the world as Makoto saw it?Eyes skyward as his body moved through the water? It was like flying. All he had to do was reach out his hands and move, cut through the water, drag himself through it. What was it about the backstroke that Makoto loved?Why was this the stroke he favored?

Makoto never entered the pool house, always waited for him outside. Between the cool water, and the humid air, it was a bad mix for him.Nothing would stop him from being so worried while he was inside swimming. 

His eyes came into focus staring up into familiar ruby colored eyes as Rin put a hand into the water to keep Haru from smacking his head against the edge of the pool.“Here I thought you only swam free.”

“I wanted to know why Makoto loves the backstroke.”Haru could not imagine Makoto hating the backstroke, even if there was so much evidence that the water just terrified him. It kept his face above the water, allowed him to see the sky as he swam, like he was flying.“I don’t know what to do Rin.I’m not good with this stuff.I’m not and I-“

Then Rin was in the water beside him, an arm around his shoulder.“Haru, when was the last time you slept through the night, or ate a decent meal?”

His brows furrowed as he looked at the other. The tone of his voice was far more serious than he was used to coming from Rin.They rarely had moments alone together anymore. When they did, it wasn’t for very long, and typically they were both in the water racing. But as for his questions.“Why does it matter?” he asked, making no move to remove the arm around his shoulders.

“Tell you what, if I beat you, I’ll come over make sure you get food in your stomach and sleep a full night.If you win, you can come spend the night with me.”

“I can’t leave-“

“See that’s just it Haru, you can.You are putting Makoto before yourself.Now you in or not?” 

Haru wasn’t given much time to answer before Rin had already taken off swimming.Haru started down the lane, his arms pulling him through the water with ease. And then…he just wasn’t moving, his feet were on the bottom.His face was wet, though if it was from the tears or the water from the pool, Haru didn’t know.

It had hit him suddenly, the exhaustion and the pain, the guilt over not being able to help his friend and feeling so powerless that nothing he could do was helping.The last real meal he had eaten? He wasn’t certain, there were pizza boxes at their apartment, but the fridge was bare of fresh food.Sleep?He didn’t.Half the time he was tossing and turning, the other half he was laying awake worrying about Makoto. God he was so tired of it all.It was too hard, there had been too much just suddenly tossed at him and he-

A pair of arms had wrapped around him, a hand resting on the back of his head.“It’s okay Haru.”Rin.Haru pressed closer to him, the warmth of his body, his face hidden in his shoulder, his own beginning to shake something.The tears were coming, flowing freely down his cheeks as the stress consumed him, his exhaustion destroying what little self-control he had left. He was just so tired, so very tired.The water had always helped him before, why wasn’t it now?Why was the water leaving him to waste away in his grief?

But he wasn’t alone, Rin was there with him.That meant something didn’t it? It meant that there was someone that he could rely on, someone who he could turn to when he was too tired to stand.“Wh-“

“Come on man, let’s get you out of the pool and dried off. Makoto will be waiting for you and I’ll run to the shop to pick up groceries for you two. No trouble at all.Yeah?”

Haru watched him for a long moment before he nodded his head, getting out of the pool.

* * *

 

Rin was worried, incredibly worried for both Haru and Makoto.The group of friends was understandably more concerned about Makoto, but Haru did not look good, and Rin could not fathom why no one had noticed it.He looked exhausted with dark purple circles under his eyes, and even thinner than he normally was, his complexion paler.Haru had become more than Makoto’s friend, he had become his lifeline, his support, and it was destroying him. That wasn’t good, and if him spending the night with the two of them meant they both would sleep, then so be it.

Carefully maneuvering the bags of groceries into one hand, the plastic straps cutting into his fingers, he pulled out his phone, hitting Sosuke’s name. “Hey I gotta cancel for tonight.” There was silence on the other end.“Sosuke you there?”

“What happened?”

“Haru’s not doing well.Cause it wasn’t bad enough Makoto can’t go near the water.”

“Should I come over?”

“You don’t have to.”Rin paused. “Are you okay? Know you’re normally the strong silent type, but-“

“Are you going to be okay seeing Makoto?”

That had Rin stopping in his tracks, phone pressed to his ear.For a moment, he was silent.It had been him who had dove into the water and pulled Makoto from the car, him who had spent the minutes until the ambulance arrived breathing air into his lungs and compressing his chest in a steady rhythm in his desperate efforts to save his life.

“Gonna have to be aren’t I? Outside of their building now.”

“Rin.”

“Yeah?”

“I-“

“I know Sosuke. I’ll make it up to you.”

“I’ll come pick you up in the morning.”

“You don’t have to.”

“No, but I’m going to.”

The phone call ended with a soft click from the other line, that left Rin smiling.Whatever it was he and Sosuke were, it was comfortable, nice. They hadn’t taken the time to sit down and define the relationship beyond that they were living together, went out together, had kissed. But no labels or anything of the sort.

It was several minutes before he was outside their apartment, knocking on the door.It was Makoto who answered, looking at him with surprise. “Rin what are you-“

“Didn’t Haru tell you? I brought food, and gonna spend the night.Old times sake.”Certainly not to make sure that Haru was able to sleep or that he ate something other than fast food or mackerel. That was definitely not the reason he was standing in the door frame.

It took a moment before Makoto nodded and let him inside. Rin made to call out to Haru, before he saw him asleep at the table, his head resting on his arms. There were books out, his laptop open like he had been working on something before exhaustion had taken hold of him.Rin shook his head moving to set the bags of food on the counter. Front he corner of his eye, he watched as Makoto sat down by the table, moving to drape a blanket around Haru’s shoulders.

Huh.So perhaps there was a chance that they could still be okay.They needed each other.Rin shook his head slightly as he set about preparing the simple meal.They both needed to eat, and eat well.It would help them sleep.

The evening was quiet, enjoyable.It had been years since just the three of them had spent time together. Rin spent most of the night with a smile of some sort on his features as he laughed and talked with his friends.He was able to make sure at least for that moment, Haru ate something, and that Makoto was at least present in the moment, not lost in his thoughts.It was sometime during themovie they had put on that both Haru and Makoto fell asleep. Haru’s head had fallen on Makoto’s shoulder as he slept.

Rin did not have the heart to wake the two of them up, and he stood, moving to get a blanket from Haru’s room to place over the two of them before he moved to the floor, laying on his stomach.He’d let them sleep.It wasn’t often, he guessed, that they were able to feel relaxed enough to sleep so soundly as they appeared to be right then.It would have just been cruel for him to wake them.


End file.
